Last year my 6 year old nephew was killed in a car accident.

They were coming home from a horse show. My sister in law was driving and pulling their living qtrs/4 horse. The Dodge was one of the 3500's built for just what it was doing. My nephew and another child, a 13 year old girl, were in the back seat, supposedly safer for them.

They were run off the interstate by an elderly couple driving a Tahoe. My sister in law was passing them on the left, they were on the right. That stretch of highway is straight. No on or off ramps. According to the police report the Tahoe veered into the Dodge driving it from the highway.

In Mississippi they have something called 'box' culverts. Basically think a ditch, with square raised sides. This one was a couple of feet high. And it ran across the median.

The Dodge hit the culvert at an angle, the gooseneck had already twisted onto it's side, the truck was compressed between the concrete culvert and the trailer. My nephew and the little girl were killed instantly.

My sister in law lay in the truck for aproximately 2 hours while the EMS and State Troopers tried to free her from the wreckage. The horse, as I understand it, walked out.

I had the part of the peace maker. My family, in their grief, blamed my sister in law, the couple, my brother etc... I was not allowed to grieve, I had to make sure that no one else died. It was that bad and it still is.

Christmas was especially painful this year. The ghost sat in the corners and every one living went on with the fixed smiles and tightening around the eyes. The accusations hung in the air, I doubt that we will ever forget.

It was great to get home, as it is every year. We were missing a traveling companion, my silky terrier, Penny passed this year as well. I joke everytime when we pass the 'Welcome to Texas' sign that I want to get out and kiss the ground. This year if he had stopped I would have.

My three girls have been especially good to me. My 'Momma' mare has been particularly protective. Right after the funeral I came home and went out to them. I missed the way they smelled. It's amazing the things that comfort you. Them blowing on my hair, gently rubbing their faces, the momma chatising the others when they get to close to our 'family'. The nose to my elbow which has always meant 'Hey look at me.' The good things in life.

It's still hard to deal with. Sometimes you just can't fix things.